Ever since my closest friend, or closest thing I had to a friend, received her promotion to manager I hardly spent any time with her. I did enjoy spending time with her, but when the conversation seemed to be leading somewhere other than chatter of current events or cute boys at work it got awkward and the task of subject changing was handed off to the first one to come up with something. It was a slightly empty relationship, but I had grown used to that. Sometimes I wished I had never fallen in love, that way I would always have filled my mind and free time with friends instead of pinning all my emotions and commitments on one person, but that was a mistake everyone went through I supposed. At least everyone told me that. ‘Your first love is always the hardest to get over’ and other such cliché things you could find in any stereotypical teenage drama.

Of course I had convinced myself that very few people had loved as intensely as I had, but lately I had been trying to reverse that thinking, with little progress. As April, my fore mentioned friend, bantered on about how she thought her first true love was such a douche now, I found little solace in her words, which I guessed was the exact opposite effect she intended. But I humored her, as always, laughing and encouraging her to continue her blind grudge. You see that was the exact conclusion I had tried to convince myself of when it had ended, and I could never find myself actually buying into the negative thoughts. Sure if anyone mentioned the places I grew up, filled with memories of a past life, I would scoff and say something in a bitter tone about something he had done or said there, but behind the well rehearsed lines I would silently apologize for the negativity they carried. It was what people wanted to hear, that you hated someone rather than the endless cycle of being in love with someone well beyond the time period which was healthy to still feel that way. Perhaps I had some sort of mental problem, but I easily rationalized out of that one before the thought had a chance to continue any further.

So, with my book finished and my stock of toilet paper not even nearing an end-they had a sale at Costco recently and the 24 pack was such a steal I couldn’t resist- I grabbed my keys and the zebra striped purse laying next to them.

Living outside the city had its perks, more commonly the cheaper rent, the houses not being on top of each other, and the covered car garage. But for me that was only slightly important. The more prominent feature would be the winding country roads with no room along them for state patrol to hide in breaks between the trees and such. I wouldn’t really call it a ‘need for speed’ it just seemed natural to travel at much higher speeds than the posted signs allowed, and of course with music blasting from the speakers loud enough to hear from a mile away.

I pulled up to the stoplight and raised the volume on my stereo, windows down, cigarette pinched between my forefinger and middle finger. A supped-up compact car pulled up in the lane next to me. The driver, a boy about my age with mossy brown hair that hung down in his eyes, leaning with one hand on the wheel cut his eyes at me. I laughed to myself, inaudible over my music, and I caught the passenger lean forward to peer in my direction. Now, usually there were two possibilities for people staring in my direction. There were only two. They were either looking at me, checking out the ‘vulnerable’ damsel driving by herself, or they were realizing how insignificant their car was sitting next to mine. Given my choice of words-calling them ‘boys’- I was leaning more towards the reasoning that they were checking out my attributes, not the car’s. It was a shame, they wouldn’t have been so embarrassed five seconds after they made the decision to rev their engine at me when I peeled out, leaving them a smell of burning rubber and their ears ringing with the rumble of my engine. Living up to my promise I sped off the second the light turned green, an old blue truck- I assumed at one point it was blue-with rust stains was in the middle of a right turn on red into my lane and I easily swerved out of the way, probably cutting several years off their life expectancy. I shrugged my shoulders in a slight apology, but also reminding myself that people with a car that weighed more than a herd of elephants shouldn’t attempt any thing that would actually require quick acceleration.

In a blur of tan and brown I passed the apartment complex where April lived with her two tabby cats. I loved those animals. When ever the opportunity to pet-sit presented itself I would volunteer as quickly as I could, requesting only that if I couldn’t discover their hiding place when April came to pick them up, I got to keep them. She never agreed to it, but I kept pressing the issue in vain. I smiled lightly. ‘Maybe I should just go get my own cat?’

I had already reached fourth gear, the thought of shifting hadn’t crossed my mind, it came as naturally as breathing, probably a little bit more natural now that I thought about it. April always made sure when we went out somewhere, however infrequently that was anymore, that I drove us in my car. She reveled in the attention people gave her, more so the boys than the women, although any true lesbian would tell you how hard it was to resist a girl with a hot car, especially if she actually knew how to drive it.

“Did you see that guy, Cali? He was practically begging us to join him with his eyes!” she had laughed from the passenger side. “Sometimes I wish you wouldn’t drive so fast, at least give them a little chance before we burst their egos.”

“April, you realize that’s like asking a devout Christian vegetarian to slaughter a cow. Not only is there no chance, there’s no chance in hell!” I shifted and the blur of neon lights faded back to reality.

I missed April remarking from the seat next to me. Her comments were always an added amenity to car rides. Although, I did sometimes wish she enjoyed driving aimlessly like I did. ‘Oh well,’ I thought. ‘You can’t always have things perfect.’

My tires hugged the asphalt around the curves like a highly intoxicated man clutching the waist of some girl who hardly expected to go home with him at the end of the night. The intoxicated road expected me to keep in the direction it had turned me but I sped off without giving it a chance to start scribbling its number on a piece of paper.

That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the attention from the boys like April, but to me that’s all they were, ‘boys’. I never saw any of them as holding potential for something more than a boost to my ego or a one night stand, if I was in the mood. She on the other hand had the occasional slip of better judgment, usually due to tequila shots boys quickly shelled out the money for, to get attached to someone that should have been nothing more than a one night stand.

“He was more than just a quick fuck, Cali! He actually meant something to me!” she cried from the passenger seat on a night coming home from the club we frequented, Metropolis. She had convinced me, after being very persistent, to go to the club several nights in a row to meet up with her fling, Steve. They always seemed to have a generic name such as John, Steve, or Bill. That would’ve been a clue to me, but I didn’t want to ruin her fun. I was neither her conscience nor her mother. I was just a slightly innocent bystander watching the never-ending April and Tonight’s Objection of Affection After Many Drinks show. Of course by the third night of ‘coincidentally’ running into Steve we caught him leaving with a bustier blonde than April, who I could’ve sworn was already reaching into his pocket for his bulging wallet. I pushed the after-thought of it not being his wallet in his pocket from my mind with a shudder of disgust.

“April, and I mean this in the lightest way possible, you were drunk the first night, and he was really drunk.” I tossed my cigarette out the window and rolled in halfway up. I heard her snort at me.

“Yeah, like you would know anything.”

I didn’t bother continuing on that conversation, I knew what she was going to say, I thought it many times when my apartment was intolerably quiet. I wasn’t afraid of men, I wasn’t guarding myself, I just hadn’t found anyone that suited my style…or something like that.

I flashed back to reality, still missing April’s presence in my car, despite our sparse but intense, at least for us, arguments. Today was Wednesday last time I checked, although I had been known to get confused on the date frequently, that happens when you’ve got a copious amount of free time. I quickly pulled my brake and swerved exactly where I had intended to end up, the viewpoint parking lot alongside the opposite side of the road. I fished my cell phone out of my faux animal print purse, and dialed April. As far as I knew she was free from work early on Wednesdays. There were several managers, or something like that, at the electronics store where she worked. I checked the time as the third ring passed. Four fifty-three. She should be on her way home by now, at the very least.

“Cali!” she spoke happily through the phone. Had it really been over two weeks since I had last heard her voice?

A smile crept upon my blank canvas of a face. “Hey there shawty, can I buy you a drank?” I revved my engine loudly so it was audible even through the terrible microphone that cell phone provided.

“Mmm, you know how I like it, baby,” she purred in her sex kitten voice. Her tone changed to that of a normal friend. “Metropolis tonight then?” she said excitedly. I could imagine her checking her face in the mirror just as she said that.

“Unless there’s another place cool enough for us to party,” I said sarcastically with a short laugh.

“Well, not one that suits our budget, anyway,” she replied, a hint of longing in her voice. There was another club we hadn’t had the pleasure of stalking yet due to shortage of funds, mostly because the twenty-five dollar entrance fee along with the price of drinks, to loosen the stiffness before the boys bought the rest of our beverage assortment.

“Look, if Bamboo wants to charge twenty-five dollars a head, regardless of gender except on Monday nights, more power to them; well actually, more money not power. But I’m not going to start selling my organs on the Black Market to gain entrance to a club we’re not even sure will live up to its reputation.”

I could feel her pouting, even from miles away.

“Don’t give me that look April! I know what you’re thinking!”

I swear I could hear her bottom lip protruding. Where did she buy her phone? The microphone must’ve been a hundred times more sensitive than mine. She probably ordered it from some foreign country and modified it so it would work in the US, knowing her.

“I’m not saying we have to go…”

“But you really are,” I said with a glare, furrowing my eyebrows.

“Come on, we’re sure to only have to pay for the entrance fee, I guarantee the drinks will be free after that. I know for sure some guys from work will be there tonight.”

The idea of hanging out with a couple of the nerdy guys from her work didn’t exactly entice me, although if my laptop ever broke again I was sure I would have a resource to use for maintenance as long as I played my cards right.

“How much is it to get a computer fixed at your work?”

She paused. “What?”

I laughed to myself. “Never mind.” I sighed. “Okay, we’ll go. BUT,” I stuck the last word in before she could begin her happy dance. “If it’s lame you fill my gas tank. And I’m not talking about like a gallon or two, I mean all the way till the little needle on the dash-you know the one that has an F at the top and an E at the bottom- till it reaches the F.” I knew she was glaring at the air for me exaggerating the description.

“I hate you sometimes. Alright, pick me up at eight.” She cut herself short of saying goodbye and threw in, “And if you purposely drive around till your tank is empty I’m gonna hurt you.”

It was an empty threat. I laughed tapped my finger on the wheel. “Oh you know me…”

“Yeh, I was afraid of that…” I heard the wind rush against the phone.

“Oh I didn’t realize you were driving. Traffic is probably pretty bad. I’ll call you later.” It was difficult for me to remember most people found it hard to drive in five o’clock traffic while talking on their cell phone. Well, it should’ve been hard, but most people just put more attention into the talking part then the driving part. I wasn’t going to encourage more terrible driving on the roads.

“Yeh. There’s an accident up ahead. I’ll talk to you later, Cal. Bye!”

My wardrobe wasn’t very large. Okay so I was lying, it was quite extensive but not compared to April’s. Clothing was sorted by color, occasion and which part of the body it covered in her walk-in closet. I periodically found myself scrounging her closet for hand-me-downs which usually weren’t out of style or out grown, she was just tired of them. It wasn’t surprising that she lived in a small studio with a car she’d been given on her eighteenth birthday. Frankly, I was surprised it still ran, but it was convenient for commuting; it wasn’t necessary that it couldn’t top sixty miles an hour since the hours she traveled from work to home were so packed with traffic that never moved faster than a crawl. Although, it was understandable that when she planned on going out me and my car were necessary.

My phone rang as I was tucking the last bit of my brown hair behind my ear. The earrings hanging far below my jaw line clanked against the phone as I held it to my ear.

“Joe’s morgue you stab ‘em , we slab ‘em. How may I help you?” I answered. April burst out laughing.

“When you coming over baby, I’m getting’ lonely…” Her sex kitten voice was purring through the speaker.

“I just got finished in the bathroom…”

“Hopefully not taking a dump, please don’t elaborate.”

“Anyway, I’ll be over in about…two point five seconds. You ready?” I jingled my keys as I spoke.

“Would I call you if I wasn’t?”

I wasn’t lying about the two point five seconds. The stop light was green when I peeled out of my complex and before I had time to switch lanes I was turning into her apartment parking lot. Her car, paint peeling and tires balding, sat next to an empty parking spot. I screeched to a halt between the white lines and walked up the steps to her apartment, my stilettos clacking on the concrete. April was always the image of an angel when we went out. Her skin was perfectly flawless and since she burned easily she kept her skin ivory white. I envied her height and curves, but not to the point of bitter jealousy. She locked the door and we chattered towards the car.

The club had a bit of a line outside by the time we had arrived after eating a small dinner. The valet gawked at us as we slinked out of the car and I dropped the keys into his hand.

“Take care of my baby, won’t you?” I cocked my head and looked up through long lashes thick with mascara. April hadn’t been the one to teach me the tone in which I had spoken to him; in fact it had been the other way around. I had acquired it at a young age, possibly due to watching too many movies. Regardless of where I learned it I had it down to a fine science, and his reaction proved I hadn’t lost my touch overnight. April giggled from the other side of the car and looped her arm in mine as we made our way toward the end of the line.

Once we were inside the vibe hit us. There were a million more laser lights and neon borders of things. I could understand why the entrance fee was so high; they must’ve had an incredible electric bill. There were lights of every shade imaginable and there were several disco balls throwing light across the pulsing crowd below. Which bar to hit up first was the major decision of the night. April pointed to the one across the room with a pink neon accent around the counter with modern white swiveling stools. I nodded in agreement and she took my hand to lead me through the swaying dance floor. A trance song thumped louder and louder as we reached the opposite wall. But somehow the bar was positioned just right that the music didn’t directly reach it so it was a bit quieter than the dance floor.

“So what do you think so far?” April beamed from the barstool beside mine. She smiled towards the dance floor. “You know you can’t resist that.” She gestured her thumb in the direction of the pulsing and gyrating behind us.

A devious smirk crept across my lips, and I bit my lip innocently. Before we could begin to order a hand clapped on to my shoulder. I was too sober for people to start manhandling me. I pivoted on my seat.

“Would you like to buy me a drink before you start feeling me up?” I said flatly but with a smile just to confuse him. As long as he wasn’t too perceptive he would ignore the tone of my voice and only focus on the smile

“You’re quick.” His voice was

“Quicker than you think.” I smirked and let my eyes catch April’s. She caught the innuendo to my car.

“What would you and your friend like?” he asked politely. There was no hint of the many drinks I’m sure he’d had in his tone of voice, but no one ever approached us with out at least several cups of alcohol in their system.

“I’ll take an apple martini,” April cooed from my right. It wasn’t her usual drink, but I supposed tonight was the time to try new things.

“And I’ll have whatever you’re having.” I leaned forward on my elbows and gently laid my fingers on the bar top.

He waved the bartender over and spoke to him words I couldn’t understand. In a matter of minutes there were three drinks setting in front of, April’s being the odd one out.

“So are you going to tell me what this is?” I asked, not exactly expecting him to explain.

He passed April her martini, and reached over to pick up mine but in the short distance it needed to travel to get to my waiting hand it slipped. I wasn’t sure how he caught it, all I saw was a blur of hands and glass, a slight slosh of the drink and both of his hands were clasped over the glass, one clutching the base and the other hand covering the top.

“Good save,” I mused, probably inflating his ego.

He merely half-smiled and more gracefully passed the drink to me, not letting go until my hand was grasping the glass. His fingers brushed against mine. A surge of panic jolted through my arms spreading to my back causing me to straighten up. I wasn’t sure if he had caught it, he seemed to stare for a bit longer at me than necessary, but then returned to the drink in front of him.

“Bottoms up.”

The blushed pink drink touched my lips. It was a lot bitterer than I expected, but then again I wasn’t exactly sure what it was in the first place. April quickly gulped down the martini, a clear sign for the boys to form their line behind her now. Like clockwork there was a flash of jeans and a F.C.U.K. shirt next to her. ‘Too busy to Fcuk,’ I read to myself. At the moment he certainly looked like he had all the time in the world for it.

“So what’s your name?” He sipped his drink.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me what this is.” I gestured at the glass I was nearly finished with.

He spoke in a velvety soft voice, perfectly audible despite the pounding music surrounding us. It was like he was speaking to me in a sound proof room. “It’s a Cosmopolitan.” He smirked. His teeth reflected the bright flash of a strobe light from across the room. The conversation April was having turned into a light mumble next to me, and soon faded into another layer of the music. For all I knew she wasn’t even next to me anymore, but I couldn’t break away from the intriguing stranger next to me to check.

“I’m Cali.” I finished the last of the drink and set it on the bar.

“I’ve never been.” His smirk never faltered.

Usually my response would’ve been something along the lines of ‘Tonight you won’t be going either,’ but I couldn’t make my lips form the words. I simply laughed lightly and tapped the glass in front of me.

“So what brings you to this place?” He finished the drink and set it next to mine. Immediately the bartender cleared them from the bar and asked us if we would like anything else.

“I’ll take another,” though I intended to only sip this one, not scarf it down like I had done to the last one. I returned to the handsome stranger next to me. “Well, honestly I’m usually-” the truth came out faster than I could even begin to spin the lie I usually said, “driving at this time of night. Something about the wind, the roar of an engine…I find it more exciting than a bunch of thumping music in a club.”

He laughed a bit harder than I had expected him to. “I know what you mean.” He seemed interested in what else I had to say, so the conversation continued with out the usual awkwardness of not leading him on. Before I had realized it I was being led off to the dance floor, his hand gripping mine so as not to lose me in the mass of people. It was a more danceable song than the fast break-beat they had been playing before. His hands were roaming across my hips and shoulders, but I allowed it. His eyes flashed green with every pulse of the strobe lights. I twisted around, my back against his chest leaned my head on his shoulder. His fingers touched my chin and trailed down my neck.

He leaned down to my ear and whispered, “This is quite out of character for you.”

I spun around and wrapped my arms around his neck. “What would you know about my usual nature?” My lips were on his neck, grazing my teeth against his skin.

“A lot more than the rest of these drunken fools around us.” His breath sent chills down my back. I knew at the end of the night it would be hard to say no.

As if he had realized his window of opportunity was quickly closing he spoke again. “Would you like to leave here and go for a drive then?”

I gazed into his eyes searching for any alternative motives, hidden agendas, but I found none. “I have a strict policy of not letting anyone inside my car except April.” It wasn’t a ploy to let him down easy; it was the honest truth.

“Oh I never said anything about driving together.” A finger traced the outline of my jaw. “Consider it, a race.”

I couldn’t resist. My knees went weak, and I was scanning the crowd to find April before I realized what I was doing.

“She’d over there.” He pointed a perfectly defined arm through the crowd and I saw April, arms swaying above her head, a boy watching her every move with hungry eyes.

“April, do you think you have a ride home tonight?” The words came out awkwardly. I was never the one asking this, usually she was the one coming over to me saying she had a ride home.

She turned to face the guy behind her who hardly even noticed she was discussing something with me.

“Of course, I’ll drive you home.”

That was all I needed. I was out the door, purse under my arm, valet ticket pinched between two fingers in a flash.

Seeing the glossy finish of my car sent even more shivers down my spine. I figured this guy was just a bit full of himself, but regardless he seemed like a good opponent either way. I pulled out and waited for his car to follow. In my rear view mirror I saw a dark blue dodge viper pull up behind me. I was impressed, more so from the amount of money he must have rather than the car itself. So my car might not have seemed like much but I had made it my hobby in the past years to modify it as much as I possibly could. It probably went as fast as his, maybe a little slower. But it was hardly the speed of the car that mattered, more so the skill of the driver. Of course my knowledge of the course I was going to take him on would also help.

We pulled up to the stoplight and I rolled down my window with him in the lane next to me.

“Where to?” he asked.

My lips curved into the most mischievous grin ever. “Follow me.” I revved my engine. “What’s your name by the way?” I realized I’d never even asked that question. I’d already made my decision but it seemed like such a base question that this late in the game it only made me feel silly.

“Ai-” the sound of our engines roaring muffled his words. I led him to the country road I frequented, screeching around the turns. I resisted the urge to turn on the music, instead I opted for the dueling sounds of our cars which slowly turned into a music of it’s own. When we came out of a turn and there was a long straight stretch of road ahead I heard his car roar past me on the left. It happened the second I rounded the curve. I couldn’t believe he just passed me on a blind turn. What if there had been a car coming? Instead of being swallowed with fear I basked in the adrenaline rush and crept up close to his bumper.

I caught his eyes staring at me in the rearview mirror. This guy was an accident waiting to happen. I was calculating how long it would be before he lost control of the car or barely missed hitting a deer and crashed through the guardrail, over the cliff below. I felt his car slowly down, immediately I let my foot off the gas and tapped my brakes lightly. He swerved off to the same gravel lot I had been parked in earlier and I followed a little less gracefully than I had wished. My bumper must have been inches from the guardrail, possibly only centimeters.

“You need to head back to your friend.” He was leaning on my car, crouched over my window before I even heard his car door slam. I let out a gasp and my foot released the clutch causing the car to lurch. I bowed my head shamefully. I had made a fool of myself tonight.

“Why? I wasn’t enough competition?” I scoffed, a hint of embarrassment in my voice.

“Your friend has been in an accident. I-” The rest of his words made no sense to me, I went into a panic. Immediately my foot was on the clutch starting the car and speeding off, tossing gravel over the edge of the cliff.

I hadn’t even bothered to ask where to head, I hadn’t even second-guessed his words. He passed me on another blind turn and I furrowed my eyebrows. This guy was just asking for trouble, yet something about him seemed like he was completely in control. A car passed by on the left not even seconds after he had situated him in front of me. He didn’t falter at all, like he known the car would allow just enough room for him to pass me. The car’s horn faded quickly, red break lights gleaming in my rearview mirror. I felt slightly bad for that person, but they hadn’t gotten into an accident so it was quickly dismissed.

As we approached the end of the country road the intersection that led us towards April’s apartment complex came into view, red and blue lights swirling off the windows of buildings. My car creeped to a stop in the far right lane and I ran out forgetting to grab my keys.

“April?” I shouted, running in stilettos towards the scene of crushed metal and shattered glass.

“Excuse me, ma’am-” an officer began from my left. An ambulance pulled up, stretchers being yanked in the direction of what was left of the car before me. Everything blurred and I felt the ground rushing up to meet my numb body. I didn’t faint, I just landed with a solid thud against my knees. They pulled one body, a boy, from the driver’s side, he was un scratched, shook up, but not badly hurt by the looks of it. They had already sawed through the passenger door and had pulled April’s limp body half way out of the doorframe where she must’ve been wedged between the seat and dashboard. A puddle of burgundy liquid spread from the area where her head lay against the asphalt.

“They hit a telephone pole on the right side, bent themselves almost all the way around it,” the cop spoke nonchalantly. I felt my stomach lurch; I swore I could smell the death from where I had collapsed.

Slowly they pried her from the twisted metal, her legs dragged immobile through the shards of glass. The paramedic shook his head slowly with a look of remorse. The night dragged on, I was driven home by an officer and found myself lying awake, another cigarette burning away between my lips.

Whoever that boy was who drove April home would not live for very long. I had already devised my plan of looking him up at the hospital and the lies that would follow. I crushed the burning cigarette between my fingers and tossed it in the ashtray, my nerves had broken off from my brain and the pain never reached me.