I used to know what to do. When you cried I knew how to hug you just right and make everything better. When you needed to feel love I knew how to touch you perfectly without making it too obscene. I knew all of that, what your feelings were by the tone of your voice; everything. But why now, when it mattered the most for me to say or do something, could I not think of the right thing? It was like the cruel last laugh death would have before carrying you away.

“Hey…” you whispered hoarsely. For you to have said something at this hour must mean it was almost time. Save your breath, I want you to live forever. No one can live forever. But you will. “I…” Yes? What is it you want? I will do anything for you. I only wish you could tell me what it is because I…I’m frozen; my lips won’t even move to tell you this.

Another long exaggerated breath and I begin to hold mine too. You parted your lips again to speak but the effort of opening your mouth was enough to tire you. A single kiss could stop you from breathing, I’d better not. But all I can think of is how I would run my hands through your hair as I kissed you; how you said you loved it. I was too caught up in my own thoughts to realize you hadn’t exhaled yet.

“Wait! No! Not yet!”

Your eyes screamed at me, “yes! Let me go”, but I couldn’t, not yet. Frantically I leaned over you stroking your head brushing the tears away from your eyes. But you were smiling and they weren’t your tears at all. They were falling on to your face from mine. With one last final effort you pulled me against your body and grasped at me as tightly as you could. My chest heaved up and down against your still body. I leaned my head against your face and kissed your lips one last time. You closed your eyes as you always did when we kissed, but this time it wasn’t the same. After a few minutes your eyes were still closed and once again I didn’t know what to do. I should’ve told you how beautiful you were, and you always would be. I should’ve held on to you for much longer. Through my waterlogged eyes I saw the blurry outline of the journal you had been keeping. It sat on the nightstand next to our bed. I lifted up the leather-bound book and awkwardly pulled it onto my lap. As I opened the first page your scent wafted up through the air and filled the room. I closed my eyes, tears spilling down, and imagined you were here with me listening to the symphony inside my mind.

“Hey…” I snapped open my eyes and saw you in the door way. You were wearing a white nightgown. Your voice wasn’t hoarse anymore, it was as angelic as always. Your lips were blush red and your skin porcelain white. “I…” You repeated.

“You what? What do you want? I’ll do it! Anything!” I stood up and clutched the journal against my chest, your scent floated up from it again. You smiled again.

“Bye…” You raised your left hand, waved goodbye, and turned the corner out the door.

“WAIT!” I ran after you, but all I found was an empty hallway. I hadn’t been listening close enough the first time, had you even said ‘I’ at all? You had said bye and you made sure this time I was listening. I turned back to the room and saw your motionless body laying under layers of blankets. There was one more thing I could do for you. I walked over to your bed and kissed your forehead. “Goodbye…”