The doorknob seemed to turn by itself beneath my hand and the door yawned open inviting me into hell. The air inside the room smelt stale and musty, my guess was that they had only opened the door to it once this summer to make sure it wasn’t occupied and then sealed it off to collect all this dust. I ran my finger over the top shelf of a bookcase on the wall nearest me and stared at the thick layer of dust I had wiped off. The bed actually didn’t look that bad but it was still nothing compared to my queen bed back home. The room was completely bare, both sides of it. They hadn’t assigned a roommate yet but I’m sure they would before school started. I sat my stuffed suitcase inside the closet and looked out the window near one of the beds. There were a few people mingling outside the main hall entrance but other than them the campus was pretty bare as well. I guess once school started they would all appear and it would be bustling with people. I couldn’t help but think I would just rot in this room for the rest of the year until I graduated. I was probably right anyways. I cracked open the window and it let in a hot breeze, but it was cooler than the temperature in the room. I untucked my shirt and kicked off my dress shoes. More importantly I wouldn’t see Krista and I was sure she would send me a letter telling me she had moved on within the month. I guess that was to be expected from her but maybe she had decided it was worth it to wait for me. I laughed to myself at that thought. I was pretty popular at school and everyone knew me but that meant nothing now that I wasn’t there anymore.

I took out my cell phone and text-messaged Scott telling him I had arrived and I was bored. I waited for him to text back but after five minutes I gave up and put it back in my pocket. I stretched the sheets out over the mattress and made up the bed to waste just a bit more time before dinner. A knock came at the door and I turned around swiftly.

“Yes?” I responded as I patted the blanket flat.

The door opened and a tall broad shouldered boy walked in. He left the door wide open and gave me a friendly smile. “My name’s Alex Miller. I’m the hall monitor/ counselor for this building.” He extended his right hand towards me.

“Ryan Clark,” I said as I shook his hand. “I just got here like an hour ago,” I explained. He nodded his head and his tousled shaggy black hair shook around.

“Yeah they told me to show you around and stuff. When would you like to do that?” I shrugged my shoulders and told him it didn’t matter when. He stared at me for a moment and then turned his attention to the bookshelf covered in dust. “Damn, I’ll make them bring the maids in here tomorrow too. I bet they didn’t even clean this room since Jared went home for the summer.”

“Jared?” I repeated.

“Yeah, he’s your roommate. He’s a nice kid; very polite,” he said with another smile. “Well I’ll leave you alone to settle in and stuff. Dinner’s at 7 every night and I’ll be by tomorrow at noon to show you around the school ok?”

Maybe Alex confused Jared Pierce with some other Jared because this guy was neither nice nor polite. I woke up to the sound of him rearranging the furniture on his side of the room one morning, another he was blasting music on his tiny stereo, and on another occasion he was talking loudly on the telephone. Every time he would notice I was sitting up in bed about five minutes after I had been woken up by him and he would stop making noise and say, ‘OH! Did I wake you up? I knew I was being too loud.’ I guess he never learned…or he just really enjoyed seeing me get up long before I should.

School actually wasn’t as hard as my parents probably hoped it would be. The subjects were easier than at my old high school and they were spaced out along the day. I liked it more. Jared had a few friends that I would hang out with; Alex was one of them. We all sat together at the lunch table, sharing our stories of what happened in class. Jared’s stories were usually the creepy ones about Mrs. Thompson bending over in class showing cleavage. I seemed to be the only person who thought this was a little nasty but I guess that’s because I was still hung up on Krista. I hadn’t tried to call her since I had gotten here. That didn’t mean I had forgot about her…because I definitely hadn’t, I just didn’t see the point in it. I was 300 or more miles from her and with her looks I was sure she had a new boyfriend or had gotten over me. I didn’t really tell her I had to go leave school either; I just mentioned Mom wanting to send me away to school over the summer and that was the end of that. It was just high school and nothing really mattered anyways. By the time I got to be 20 none of this would really matter to me.

“Ryan, what are you spacing off about? It’s your move,” Alex asked. I blinked a few times and stared at the dice Jared had just handed me. The monopoly board sat in between our circle of three.

“Oh yeah.” I rolled and got eight; which sent me right to jail. “I really don’t feel like playing anymore guys,” I said and stood up.

“You can’t just leave because you rolled a bad number. That’s just part of the game dude,” Jared said and tried to pull me back to the floor by the knee of my pants. I felt them start to slide down off my waist and kicked his hand away.

“No, I’m just bored with this. It’s not a very fun game.”

“We’ve only been playing for like 30 minutes,” Alex said as he checked his watch.

“That’s 30 minutes too long. This game is for nerds.” I walked over to the closet and pulled on my jacket.

“Nerds? What would you know about nerds and the games they play Ryan??” Alex stood up too.

“I’m just saying that there are more fun games to play and if you have another game…ANY other game, then I’ll play it. Otherwise I’ll go find that kid with the 4.0 GPA…Nigel to take my place.” I zipped up my jacket and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Jared asked.

“Out.” I didn’t really think he cared so I didn’t need to be specific.

“Can I come too?”

I turned around and gave him a funny look. “Sure…” He jumped up and threw on his tight brown jacket. It was actually a really cool jacket, it zipped up off-center on the left side and had a slightly high collar and aside from being about two sizes too small it looked good on him.

“I guess I’ll just clean up and go back to my room then,” Alex said annoyed as he rolled his eyes and picked up the cards and money.

Jared and I exited and walked down the hallway past the shower room. We hopped down the stairs two at a time and kicked open the door at the building entrance. It wasn’t very cold outside actually; it was very mild, probably 50 degrees.

“So where were you headed?” Jared stretched his arms above his head and his tiny jacket rose above his stomach.

I laughed at him and answered, “Not really anywhere. Just out.”

“Oh…I thought ‘out’ meant you were really going somewhere with a destination not just anywhere, but I guess anywhere is better than nowhere.”

“Well I guess I was kind of heading to the store down the street. I’m hungry.” I took out my wallet and counted my money.

Jared reached into his pocket and pulled out a lighter and a pack of Camels. He put one between his lips and shoved the pack back into his pocket. He stopped walking for a second and brought both hands up, one to shield the slight wind and the other to light it. “Sounds cool to me,” he said with an exhale of smoke.

I had never smoked, I never had the need or want to. I was an athlete and everyone knows smoking decreases the amount of oxygen in your blood and weakens your lungs, not like Jared even played sports though; he was a twig.

“Hm?” Jared offered as he swung the cigarette in my direction noticing me staring at him. He probably thought I wanted some of it. I didn’t, but I found my hand reach towards it without thinking. “Have you ever smoked?” he asked as the cigarette passed from his fingers to mine with much fumbling on my part.

“Yeh, tons of times.” I brought it up to my lips. “What kind of a pansy would I be if I hadn’t?” I breathed in the smoke and for a moment actually thought I wasn’t going to choke, but then I did. Jared shook his head and took back his cigarette.

“You wouldn’t be a pansy if you hadn’t smoked before.” He took a drag. “It’s a bad habit; one that a good athlete such as yourself should never start.” I swore I heard my thoughts echoed in his words.

“Yeh I guess.” I still couldn’t get the image of him lighting up a cigarette out of my mind. He looked so stylish and cool, but I guess that went along with Jared’s sophisticated look. His tight jacket, pastel colored shirt, dress shoes that weren’t too dressy, and straight-legged pants; they all gave him that supermodel look, and that cigarette just added the final touch to it. He looked so mature. Then there was me in my sweatshirt, loose jeans, plain white T-shirt and dirty sneakers.

Jared flicked the cigarette butt ahead of us and stepped on it when we walked passed it. “So what are you doing here anyways?”

“Mom sent me here. She thinks it will prepare me for college better than a public high school can.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I think she hates me personally, but that’s just between you and me.”

Jared laughed. “Yeh my parents said they couldn’t deal with me anymore so they sent me away to school. I’m not sure what I was doing that was so intolerable either,” he said slightly sarcastically. He chuckled at something I guess I wasn’t supposed to know, or maybe I was supposed to ask but I didn’t feel like it. I tilted my head up to the sky and sighed. Jared turned and looked at me with his hands loosely hanging inside his pant’s pockets. “Something wrong?” he asked.

“No, not really. My girlfriend hasn’t called me since I got here so I think she dumped me without letting me know. I kinda expected it though.”

“Yeh, when you’re for away like this it’s best to end it before you leave so you don’t have to keep guessing whether they’re waiting or if they’ve already moved on. While you’re here it feels like time is suspended and this is just a long dream because you’re isolated away from everyone you know, but for your friends back there time is still going on and she has probably forgotten where you are by now,” Jared said matter-of-factly. I laughed at his blunt honesty but in reality I felt nothing like laughing. Something inside me snapped and there was a hollow feeling inside my stomach that was different from being hungry, it was that feeling of being alone finally hitting me. Not that I hadn’t been thinking exactly what Jared was saying but it had just become reality to me now that someone else had said it and explained it. He was right and I knew it, now I had to accept it. If Krista had wanted to stay with me she would’ve called me at least once in the month I had been gone but she hadn’t even tried. I don’t know why I just didn’t break up with her before I left; I guess I thought she would wait on me. My knees went wobbly and I tripped on my own shoe. Jared grabbed my arm and held me up. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll find someone better because girls are everywhere. Girls are the ones who need to worry about never finding someone new so you should be happy she found someone without you prodding her to because odds are you would find someone better while you’re away anyways. At least now she’s not bugging the shit out of you with phone calls all day long and crying ya know?”

“What are you talking about? Where am I going to find someone better?” I shouted. Now my emotions had taken over. Krista wasn’t even mine anymore and was with someone else as I spoke but I was still defending her like she was clung to my arm right there. “I’ve been with plenty of girls and she was the best I’d ever had.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jared asked.

I paused to think about what I had said. ‘…the best I’d ever had’? Did I mean the best I’d ever fucked or the best girlfriend I’d ever had? Why was there even that question in my mind?

“Admit it dude…it was all about the sex. It always is in high school. Don’t worry about it; it’s best that you realized that because I’m sure she realized that a long time ago. And if that’s all there was to it then I’m positive you can find someone better.” Jared tried to read my emotions but the blank stare made it difficult so he asked another question. “How long did you go out?”

I sucked in my lip and bit it, then looked at my hands and started counting on my fingers. I went over each hand a couple times and then reached my conclusion. “Like twenty-seven days?”

Jared laughed, put an arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. He leaned his head against mine. “That ain’t very long at all.” I laughed too and nodded my head in agreement. Who cared about Krista now? I was going to have a great time at this school and meet someone new who would be better than her, a lot better than her. I reached my arm up to put around Jared’s shoulders but it was at an awkward angle and so I put it around his waist without thinking.

Jared flinched. “What are you doing?”

I drew back my arm as quick as possible and kept it at my side. “I’m not sure…that was weird…sorry ‘bout that.”

“Yeh its ok…just uhh…warn me or something before you do that again.” I didn’t plan on doing it again anyways so there was no reason to warn him or anything. My face flushed red and there was an awkward silence between us as we walked up the sidewalk next to the convenient store. Jared reached the door first and held it open for me and I walked underneath his arm like it was a bridge. Jared walked down the snack aisle while I headed towards the drinks. I opened one of the doors and felt it cool my burning face. I had to stop blushing. I picked out a lime green colored Gatorade. I rolled up my sleeve and stuck the drink against my burning forearm that had brushed against Jared’s tight clothing. I felt like I might break out in a rash if I didn’t keep the bottle against my skin but I took it away anyways and paid for it at the check out. Jared came up behind me with a bag of Doritos and a Mr. Goodbar. I imagined that he was one of those people that never gained weight no matter what they ate. We both paid and left the store.

“I thought you were hungry? Wasn’t that the whole point of going to the store?” Jared asked always being the observant one who never missed a trick. Was he expecting me to tell him that I had lost my appetite on the way because of everything that had happened and had only bought that drink so that I wouldn’t have seemed totally retarded since I didn’t want to get anything at all by the time we reached the store.

“I didn’t like anything I saw to eat and I got thirsty on the walk over here,” I lied.

“Yeh I understand that. Well if you want you can eat some of my stuff,” he said and shook the bag of chips in my direction.

I felt my face blushing again. “Thanks.”

“That sounded dirty,” he laughed.

I walked silently the rest of the way to the school and Jared just followed suit occasionally humming and singing random songs. He had a beautiful voice and I was jealous. Everything about him was perfect. He was handsome, stylish, smart, and even had a great singing voice! It was at that moment that I realized not everyone was created equal otherwise every boy would be a Jared Pierce; I couldn’t imagine someone not wanting to be him.

We got back to the dorm and everyone was gone. Jared sat down to his computer, set his Doritos on the desk and started typing something. I laid down on my bed and turned out the light next to me which left the room dimly lit up by Jared’s computer screen. The clicking of the keys fused together and as I shut my eyes it became a comforting noise in the background. My mind tossed around different random thoughts but I kept hearing Jared’s voice saying ‘if you want you can have some of my stuff’. My stomach fluttered every time I thought about it. All we were talking about was a bag of chips right? So why couldn’t I stop thinking about it?

That Friday we got out of class early for a pep rally for the football game later. I walked into the gym following the rest of my Latin class with my book bag slung over one shoulder. The gym was already mostly filled up and I was wondering to myself how they were going to fit the other 200 people standing in this line behind me inside this tiny gym. Just as I was stepping up onto the bleacher the cheerleaders ran through the gym doors shouting and rustling their pompoms together. I sat down next to some girl with long blonde hair. She had it layered so it fell into her eyes whenever it came untucked from behind her ear in class. She had these piercing blue eyes and tan skin. I thought she was hot, but then again so did her boyfriend sitting on the other side of her.

“Hey you’re in my Economics class right?” she said. Of course I heard her but I didn’t assume she was talking to me. She tapped me on the arm with her finger and I turned my head. “You’re in Economics with me right?”

“Yeh.” I didn’t really know what else to say. ‘Oh hey…you’re hot, yes I’m in your class and one day we should skip class and fuck in the bathroom. Oh is that your boyfriend? Cool.’

“Man that class is like so boring. I mean I know about the stuff they’re teaching but like why do we have to learn it? Gosh,” she said and her hair came untucked and fell into her face. She brushed it back with her hand and I smelled he flowery scent of her shampoo as she flipped it by my face. “Oh sorry did I hit you?” she asked.

“Nope. You missed me,” I said with a smile. She smiled back and her boyfriend wrapped an arm around her waist, brushing his hand against her butt along the way.

“Jesus, do you have to do that in public?! I told you it pisses me off,” she hissed at him and pried his arm off of her. He sat there in silence and watched the pep rally. I felt awkward sitting here amidst the fighting couple but at the same time it seemed like a good opportunity for me getting her was coming up with their inevitable break up. I smiled to myself and then thought of how sick that was and thought of how I had totally forgotten about Krista. This wave of guilt hit me like a bucket of ice-cold water. How could I forget about her? How could I sit here hoping to get a chance to fuck this girl while I was still in love with Krista? Maybe I wasn’t really in love as much as I thought?

Thankfully the cheerleaders started doing the school cheer, which rattled my brain away from its thoughts of Krista. The people around me jumped up to their feet as the cheerleaders shouted for us to get up and clap. I sat there seeing as how I didn’t know the school cheer and had about zero school spirit. The only thing that I liked at this school was the fact that I could get laid with out my parents knowing about it. Teachers could careless about that shit and these girls were spoiled horny bitches. What the hell am I saying?! I hid my head in my hands and shook my head. I needed to stop thinking about sex and go back to my dorm and write another letter to Krista that will never be sent. Half an hour later the pep rally ended and we all poured off the bleachers back to the dorms. Some people lingered around the courtyard but most of us headed back to our rooms. I ran into Jared on the way to the dorm building.

“Ryan!” he jumped on my back and hugged me tightly. “That was the most frightening thing I have ever had to sit through!” He nuzzled his head into my shoulder and made a whimpering noise. “I was in fear for my life! The cheerleaders from hell!”

“What do you mean?” I said as I unwrapped his arms from my neck. He hopped off me and spun me around to face him.

“They’re ugly as hell!” he screeched. “You went to a public school, you know our cheerleaders are nothing compared to a good public high school babe!”

I nodded in agreement and thought of Krista, again.

“So tonight I thought I would break out my stash of-” he looked around to see if anyone was listening, “alky.”

“Alky?”

“Alcohol,” he whispered. “I have lots of it in a box in the wall behind my computer desk as well as other stuff.”

“Are you serious?! How the hell did you get it in here?” I shouted.

“SSSHHH!! Keep it down!” Jared slapped a hand over my mouth. “I have a friend that bought me the stuff and snuck it in. They really don’t check the dorms very well honestly, but I would still get expelled if they found out.” He removed his hand from my mouth.

“Yeh I understand. But you see…” I trailed off.

“What? You’re not interested?” Jared asked almost giving me puppy dog eyes.

“I just…don’t drink….much.” I slipped in the ‘much’ part quick enough that Jared’s face didn’t stay in that ‘are-you-kidding-me?’ expression for more than a second.

“Oh it’s ok, we’re not gonna get shit-faced we’ll just be… drunk off our asses?” Jared let out a cackling laugh that startled me. He threw his arm over my shoulders and started walking with me to the dorm.

“Oh ok…that makes me feel better.” I gave him a roll of my eyes and a pessimistic laugh.

“What’s going on here?” Alex asked as he came up behind Jared and I with a messenger bag full of books. “You guys…” He filled the silence with a quick air humping that stood for sex.

“You’re weird Alex!” I shouted and removed Jared’s arm off me.

“We’re not gay, Alex. You’re so typical!” Jared said as if he had experience with this taunting before.

“Of course I wasn’t accusing you of being gay Ryan, but next time you try to talk to me Jared, you might try removing that penis from your mouth first,” Alex laughed and slapped me on the ass and jogged away. “See ya ‘round Ryan!”

“What a freak,” I said. Jared and I continued to walk back to our dorm.

“That guy is a total faggot in denial, I’m telling you. He’s so typical of a homo wanting to deny what he is by putting down anyone who’s different. I mean seriously where does he come off saying shit like that? He knows you have a girlfriend and everything! You’re a jock and you’re straighter than…than… like a fucking pencil!” Jared retorted.

“You were being very touchy,” I said quickly.

“What? So now you think I’m gay too?!” he squealed.

“No. I’m just saying that he kinda assumed it because of that,” I tried to explain, not really agreeing with my own rationality. It seemed like I was defending Alex but in reality I saw nothing wrong with walking like we were.

“Whatever. Let’s just go get blazed. That’s what I need right now.” Jared unlocked the dorm and set his messenger bag on the floor near his bed. “Lock the door.”

I turned the deadbolt on the door and heard it click into place. Inside the room it was silent as Jared removed a tiny piece of the plastered wall. It looked like something out of a James Bond movie. He literally seemed to make that hole appear. I had never noticed it before.

“I gotta be careful not to knock out any of this flimsy ass plaster when I take it out so this might take a few minutes.” I shook my head okay and went to set my stuff down and get comfortable. I took off my dress shoes, shirt and belt. I lay down on the bed staring up at the ceiling while Jared fumbled around below his computer desk.

“Jackpot!” I sat up to look at Jared who emerged from under his desk with a water bottle of vodka and a bag of pot. “So Ryan what are you doing tonight?”

“Uhm….nothing?”

“No! What are you doing tonight?….” he said as he waved the bag and sloshed around the vodka.

“….you tell me,” I said.

“Getting shit faced!” He leaped on my bed and let out a cry like someone who just one the lottery.

About two hours and half a can of Axe later we were gone. I hardly could remember what I said a minute ago let alone what Jared had said a second ago. Everything was hilarious even if it wasn’t funny. Nothing bothered me at all. Krista didn’t even cross my mind once. I had never had so much fun in my life. The vodka was getting low but that was ok because Jared had a new stock coming soon. I laid down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling.

“Dude I’d love to go to that pep rally now, wouldn’t you? Even if those cheerleaders aren’t that hot I could totally get a kick out of seeing them now,” I said laughing.

“Naw man,” Jared winced like he had just swallowed some cough syrup, “They still couldn’t get me hard. I’d like…take some Viagra and like watch them and still be soft!” I imagined it and just laughed.

“You think so? That must mean you’re gay man. I mean Viagra is like the best dude! You have no idea…” I said not really thinking about what I was saying just finding it funny that we were talking about Viagra.

“Maybe I am but how would you know about the wonders of Viagra hmm? Got an E.D. there buddy??” Jared laughed and poked at my pants.

I shoved away his hand, “No I do not have an problems getting it up. Its just you see with my girlfriend she was like some kind of nympho! She’d like never be satisfied unless we went at it until 6 in the morning I swear!” I said. Jared laughed.

“That’s gotta be some damn good sex man. Tell me more.”

“Well yeh so since I couldn’t keep going that long I got some Viagra to keep her happy. Dude I mean I felt like a god! Just the way she would get so much pleasure out of it and all…well yeh anyways,” I trailed off.

“Geez! Are you guys still going out?” Jared asked.

After a long pause I finally said, “Uhm…honestly we haven’t talked since I got here,” I said and looked down suddenly feeling very lonely and depressed. Jared noticed and put an arm around my waist where he began to rub my side.

“Aw dude don’t be sad.” He brought his hand up from my side and tousled my hair. He looked me in the eyes and I felt this nervousness rise up in my stomach like something weird was about to happen. Jared looked down from me to the ground and clasped his hands together in front of him.

“Now don’t you be sad either Jared…” I said and gave him a love-tap to the arm. He chuckled but cut it short making it sound just that much more forced. I found myself wanting to do the same things he did. I wanted to rub his head and tell him it was going to be alright, but was that just because it did in fact make me feel better so maybe it would do that same for him…or was it because I just wanted to do it?

Jared looked up to meet my gaze and cocked his head to the side. “What?”

Obviously my thoughts were displayed upon my face and he didn’t know what to make of it. I shook my head. “Nothing.”

“No, you looked like you had something important to say Ryan. What was it?” Jared asked with concern in his voice.

Suddenly I was missing the effects of the alcohol and weed. “Can you roll another one?” I asked, not really surprised at what I had just said.

“Sure.” He brought out the baggy and a thin piece of rolling paper, licked it closed and lit it. After a long inhale he passed it to me. I had never smoked before I met Jared but now I was as good as any another person. Of course as I thought that I coughed as I exhaled. “Haha man that just gets you gone quicker baby!” Jared laughed with droopy eyes.

“It does? Man it just makes my throat hurt!” I said in between coughs.

Jared was busy inhaling. “I dunno how it does but it just does dude,” he said while taking in more air. I laughed at him. He just looked and sounded so funny doing that. He exhaled and stared at me. “Wha?”

I was inhaling and did exactly as he had done. “You just look so damn funny doin this,” I said while breathing in air. Jared burst out laughing and fell over on my bed rolling around on his back. Perhaps my impression had been funnier?

“Dude…this is the most fun I’ve had the entire time I have been at this shit-hole of a school.” Jared lifted his arms into the air and moved them like waves through the air. “Hey man lay down next to me and watch this!” I finished off the joint and sprayed some more Axe in the room before laying down next to him.

“Whats so…uhm… just what did you want?” I laughed losing my train of thought. Jared laughed and then asked me to be serious.

“No really, watch my hands move through the air. It looks like I’m touching the ceiling; like I’m going to fly away or something.” Jared began waving his arms rhythmically in the air. The bending of his fingers as it carried like an echo across his arms and then started all over again at the delicate tips of his fingers. It made my skin tingle with warmth. Something about it, about him, was so peaceful and hypnotic. I wished I could lie here forever watching his hands part the air and cascade it across the length of his arm. I followed the wave with my eyes, consequently turning my head since I seemed to have forgotten my eyes rotated without the turning of my head. I watched it start and roll down to his shoulder where I came across his flawless skin. When had Jared taken off his shirt? His bare chest was so amazingly perfect and skinny. His muscles were easily visible beneath his tight skin. I propped myself up on one elbow and stared at his body, every inch of it, taking everything; every detail, in.

“What’re you lookin’ at Ryan?” Jared had stopped moving his arms through the air but still held them up above his body.

“You’re so perfect…You’re body is like, a model’s should be!” I said and laughed to lighten the words.

“Thanks. So is yours.” Jared smiled at me and joined me by propping himself up on his elbow.

“Wha?”

“I said,” Jared sat up and pushed me over so I was laying on my back.

“What’re you-”

Jared laid his hand on my chest and propped himself on his elbow again. “What did you think I was going to rape you?” He laughed.

“Of course not…” I lied but Jared kept staring at me not really relieving any doubts I had in my own words. He brought his hand up to my face. “No. Jared what are you doing, seriously?” I said forcefully.

He cocked his head again, looking incredibly cute. “You act like you don’t want me to touch you Ryan…but in reality I know that’s the only thing you really want right now. I can see the lust in your eyes. I know your passion isn’t being directed towards me but soon enough I’m sure it could be.”

“What are you saying? That I’m-”

“I’m saying you want me.”

I wasn’t sure whether it was because of his straight-forwardness or the vanity he portrayed in that sentence or the simple fact that he was right, but I drew silent. Jared stroked my cheek with his fingertips that turned out to be just as soft as I thought they were. His thumb brushed against my lips leaving my skin tingling in the wake of his touch. He removed his hand after what seemed like only seconds and placed it at his side.

“No please, it felt so comforting,” I found myself saying without question. He gave a tiny smile or maybe it was a conniving smile. “Please?”

“There’s no need to beg to me Ryan, come on. You’re not a little girl here. You’re a man. You’re supposed to assert yourself,” he laughed. I chuckled a bit too. I guess I had sound like a whiney bitch. I sat up; looked at Jared; bit my lip; looked at the ground and then back at Jared. “Yes?” Jared spoke raising his eyebrows.

In a split second I had done it. I never imagined I of all people would do it but I had. I grabbed the back of his neck and pressed my lips roughly against his. I would’ve just broken it off there but he caressed me back; running his fingers through my hair and parting his soft lips against mine. I felt my face burning so I pushed away and blinked a few more times in a row than usual. I tried to make sense of it all but it was just too much for me. Maybe Jared had put something weird in the weed.

“Now you’re going to sit there and analyze every aspect of that but let me leave you with this comfort, ‘you’re not gay till you want to be’,” he said and walked over to his bed where he undressed to his boxers. He unlock the deadbolt and punched the lock button on the door handle just incase they had one of those room checks. They really hate to find a dorm room dead bolted, it just raises an even bigger red flag.

He stuffed the remainder of the weed in the spot in the wall and made sure it was still as unnoticeable as before. Then he climbed into bed without another word about it. My mouth parted as if to start saying the bazillion things forming in my mind but none of them would come out. I just sat there staring at the spot where he had been sitting with my mouth open probably looking like an alligator trying to cool off.

“’Night,” he said and flicked off the light on his side of the room. He rustled around I bed finding a comfortable position and then lay quiet. His breath was very quiet like he was making sure not to make any noise; trying to seem dead asleep, but at the same time hinting that he really wasn’t going to sleep. Maybe I was just reading into it too much and he was in fact going to sleep at that moment. “Uhm…Ryan…can you turn out your light?” Jared mumbled sounding slightly sleepy, or maybe still faking it.

No matter I still reacted as if he were really trying to go to sleep. “Oh sorry!” I stood up quickly and walked over to my desk lamp that was on. By the time I got to the lamp and my fingers touched the switch on the lamp neck everything went grey. It was like I had entered a tunnel and my vision was completely gone. I opened my eyes again and was on the floor in some awkward position with my knees bent outwards.

“Christ!” Jared jumped out of bed and leaped over to me. “You alright? You probably just shook the foundation of the building!” he laughed. I smirked at him and rubbed my eyes, which were slightly throbbing from the blood rush of standing up too fast.

“I’ve never fainted before. That was weird…” I said and stood up slower than I had before.

“Well don’t make it a habit I don’t think the floor can take much more of that!” he punched my arm and headed back over to his bed. I flicked off the light and laid down on my bed.

“Aren’t you going to get undressed for bed?” Jared mumbled from his pillow.

There he goes again with the questions that lead me on. “Why does it matter to you?”

“It doesn’t. I just like your sexy pajamas,” he said and rustled around in bed once more. I felt bad for making him dart across the room like that now, he had just settled down in bed and found a comfortable spot. I bet he had been actually falling asleep.

“Well with the lights off it shouldn’t matter if I’m wearing my pajamas or not, you can’t see me either way,” I said in what could almost be called ‘flirty’ tone.

“Oh right you are, but that fact that your pajamas are your underwear is the real point, and well you can draw your own conclusions…” Jared chuckled.

I flicked on the lamp on my nightstand. “I’m suddenly not tired.” I found Jared rolled over on his side looking in my direction with a grin on his face. He had probably wanted me to turn the light on again.

He laughed. “But you weren’t tired to begin with. The truth is neither was I. I figured I would just change the mood and go to sleep seemed easy enough.”

“It didn’t change the mood.” I furrowed my eyebrows at him, feeling a little bit better that I could still talk to him and not feel completely awkward, but I still had questions…maybe I could just save them for later?

All of a sudden Jared sat up in bed and burst out with a cackle similar to that of an old witch. I jumped a bit and stared at him. “What the fuck?”

“Dude I’m sorry, I’m just still so fuckin H-I-G-H!!”

I guessed that was Jared’s way of saying he was calmed down about things and didn’t care anymore about that silly kiss. I shook my head at the thought of it again, it was still weird to think about…

I heard a buzzing like sound come from my desk. “What was that noise?” I asked looking around.

“Hmm… oh it’s your cell!” Jared said excitedly and jumped over to my desk. “I bet it’s your-” but stopped himself, “oh, low battery. My bad!” He tossed the phone onto my bed where it landed with a soft plop. “I thought it might’ve been your mystery girlfriend.”

“She’s not my mystery girlfriend!” I corrected, probably a little more defensively than I would’ve liked to have sounded.

“Well to me she is,” he teased and stuck out his tongue at me. Then his face brightened and the biggest smile I’ve ever seen crept onto his face. It could only mean that he was planning something incredibly evil, and I knew it, and I wanted to know what it was so badly. He was just smiling like that to taunt me into wanting to ask him.

“What?…” I asked and rolled my eyes, faking my disinterest. He walked over to my bed still smiling widely. My body tensed and I gripped the cell phone in my fist tightly so it pressed a button. “No wait-”

“Can I see your cell for a second?” he asked and I outstretched my fist containing the cell phone. “Is Krista’s number still in here?”

“Yeah, why?” I asked not having the slightest idea where he was going with this. “You’re not going to call her are you?”

“No no, I have no interest in talking to a nymphomaniac cheerleader,” he said while flipping through the address book, I assumed, in my cell phone. I laughed imagining the picture I must have painted in his mind of how Krista and I were together with that Viagra story I told. Then I also thought about how much he probably liked imagining me being like that and hid my face in my hands.

“Okay now come here, love.” He sat down next to me and wrapped an arm over my shoulders while pulling me against his side. “Don’t be so stiff! Loosen up, it has to look natural.”

“What does?” I asked confused and feeling slightly uncomfortable pinned with his bare skin against mine. It started the same chain reaction he had before. His touch sent electricity through my body.

“Our picture!” He smiled cutely and held up my camera phone. “We’re going to take a picture together.”

“Why now? You’re half naked…and wasted…”

“Would you like me to be fully naked?” he suggested and stuck his thumb under the waist band of his boxers.

“No no no!!!!” I shook my head immediately before he could continue which I figured, knowing Jared, he would. He pulled me closer again and pressed his forehead against the side of my head. I looked up and the camera as did he and he started a countdown, “1…2…3-” He tipped his head forward and kissed my cheek as he pressed the snapshot button.

“What was-” I started.

He laughed. “It’s sooo cute!” He clicked save before I could see and emailed it to himself. “Well actually you’re cute. I look like a fish.”

“Let me see!” I said grabbing for my cell phone that he was teasing me with by holding it just out of my reach. I got it and opened the picture. It was surreal seeing a picture like that and the actual reaction on my face wasn’t a surprised look at all. I was smirking and blushing. Jared’s bare chest was visibly pressing against my arm and his lips pursed against my cheek.

“Let me see that one more time.” Jared took the phone and fooled around with it for a second then gave it back to me. A little envelope was displayed on the screen.

“Message sent. To who? You don’t have a cell phone do you?” I asked, inquiring about the message displayed on the screen.

“Nope I don’t. Don’t have the use for it really.” He laid back down on my bed and stretched his arm above his head.

“Then who did you send that picture to?” I asked pressing the issue more because it actually was important. He didn’t want to be known as a fag when he wasn’t even really gay!

“No one here.” He sat up and smirked at me. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” he said and snapped the waistband of my boxers hanging out above my pant’s waist.

I slapped his hand away. “Who then?…” I was getting frustrated.

“Krista,” he said and made a peace sign.

“WHAT?! WHY WOULD YOU GO AND DO THAT?!” I shouted. “ARE YOU FUCKING-” Jared threw his hand over my mouth and smashed my lips against my teeth.

“Number one, you’ll get us in trouble if you yell at this hour. And two, I did it because you need to get over her, and it’s a slap in the face to her because she’s expecting you to still be head over heels for her, but when she sees that you’re not, it will be fitting. You know she’s not hanging around for you so-”

“Thanks for reminding me and ruining any chance of getting her back that I would have.” I snapped my cell phone closed and placed it angrily on the night stand. “Get off my bed. I’m going to sleep.”

Jared stood up and I stretched out on top of my sheets with my pants still on, with no intentions of getting undressed tonight. I would sleep in my clothes. I turned off my light fully aware that Jared was still standing next to the bed. I heard him sigh.

“I’m better than her.” He poked me in the chest twice to accent the next two words. “Far better,” and then walked back to go to sleep, this time for real.

The next morning was painful. My head throbbed as I sat up in bed and the sunlight stabbing at my eyes through the blinds made it that much worse. I groaned and threw the pillow over my head and attempted to go back to sleep but I heard footsteps cross the room’s tiled floor.

“You’re still not up?” someone spoke from the opposite side of the room. I groaned again and threw the blanket over my head as well.

“Well it’s almost noon, you should probably get up.” The covers flew back and my pillow went with them.

“HEY!” I sat up quickly wishing I hadn’t and grabbed my throbbing head. I forced myself to open my eyes to the brightly lit room. Jared stood at the foot of my bed laughing while Alex sat on his bed playing some card game that I wasn’t in the right state of mind to figure out. Jared walked back over to his bed and picked up his hand of cards laying there.

“Sleep well, Ryan? You must’ve been up pretty late,” Alex said and discarded two cards from his hand and replaced them with the top two cards in the deck. “A couple of us are going out today and me and Jared were waiting for you to wake up to see if you wanted to come.”

“I told him we should just leave you,” Jared smirked and displayed his hand. Alex sighed and laid out his hand as well. “I win. You owe me $5.” His smirk grew as Alex reached in his pocket and pulled out the money.

“We should probably get going soon, I mean before I lose more money,” Alex said despondently.

“Will you be going with us, Ryan?” Jared asked and met my gaze. His eyes seemed to be asking a question totally different from what his mouth had spoken. I felt my face burn and turned my head away. I swung my feet over the side of the bed and stood up slowly so I wouldn’t have a repeat of last night. Actually the idea of repeating anything about last night seemed like a bad idea to me.

“Let me go take a shower first. Then we can go,” I said. Alex nodded sadly, he had been hoping for an excuse to stop playing poker obviously. “You can use my computer if you want Alex. I know you’ll probably want some money left for when we go out.” Jared laughed and Alex walked over to my computer, accepting defeat.

“Can I use your computer too?” Jared asked again with those eyes that proposed a different question to me. I stared at him for a moment and smiled.

“No.” The answer took him by surprise I think, he lost his composed demeanor but quickly found it again with a smirk.

“Alright then, I’ll ask you later.” With that I left the room, towel and soap in hand, and proceeded to the shower room.

When I came back Jared was sprawled out on my bed writing on a notepad and Alex was playing solitaire on the computer.

“Didn’t drop your soap in the shower did you?” Jared laughed, his eyes still on the paper in front of him.

I glared back at him and walked across the room to my closet. “Where exactly are we going?” I grabbed a button down shirt from the very end of my hanging clothes; I hardly wore it, and my favorite pair of jeans. I think Krista might have even been with me when I bought these jeans. Krista; that photo; shit I wonder if she texted me back? Probably not. I buttoned up my shirt and pulled on my socks and shoes.

“Damn it! I can never win at solitaire,” Alex grumbled from my computer. “Are we ready to go now? I’ll call David, he’s with the others who are going with us.” Alex reached in his pocket and dialed David’s number. “Goddamnit, I never get service inside the school. Meet me in the courtyard okay you guys? I’m gonna have them meet up there too.” Alex ran out the room holding his cell phone up in the air.

Jared ripped off a piece of paper from his notepad and set the notepad on my table. “What do you think?” he asked and handed me the folded up piece of paper he had just ripped off. I gave him a funny, suspicious look but unfolded the paper anyways. Jared had drawn a picture of a person wearing a intricately decorated jacket and tight jeans.

“What is this?” I asked. “I mean its really good, but is it supposed to be…you?”

“No retard! It’s a design sketch.” He snatched the paper back and crumpled it up.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!” I leaned over to try and intercept him as he threw it in the trash can.

“It’s not good enough. I’m not good enough for the fashion biz.” Jared spit into the trash can after the paper went in. “We better get going, Alex is waiting.” Jared walked out the door and I followed right behind him.

“You’re plenty good enough! You’ve got real talent-”

“I know I got talent, I’m not stupid. I’m just not good enough to become famous,” he scoffed.

“Well if that’s your goal then of course you’ve got a long way to go. In the end maybe you will be famous, right now it’s too early to tell. A better question is, what are you doing at a school like this if you want to be a fashion designer? This place is just for jocks and nerds, there’s nothing in between.” Jared stopped abruptly and I hadn’t realized how closely I was following him till I bumped into him when he stopped.

“That’s probably the smartest thing you’ve said since I’ve met you. But you’ve failed to observe one tiny detail…”

“What’s that?” I asked raising one eyebrow.

“That not too many fathers want their only son to grow up to be a fag-shion designer.” He laughed and continued walking.

I twisted my face and thought about that. He was right, my parents would’ve kicked me out and called me a faggot for wanting to do anything like that. Would they really send me away to a boarding school for it though?